a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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