Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
