i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
