non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
