We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
