Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
