My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
