Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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