The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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