Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
