My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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