I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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