Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
