You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
