your parents love me but you hate me
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
