i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She bit a glass in half.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
