dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize