Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
