I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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