omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
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