The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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