A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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