think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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