he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
