I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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