I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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