I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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