How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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