Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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