Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
