Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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