Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
