Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
