This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
