Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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