i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
