Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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