goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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