i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
