just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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