Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
