There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
