yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
