I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
