I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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