So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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