first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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