everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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