You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
