I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
