I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
My feet surprised me
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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