You don't have asthma, your pregnant
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
