i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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