You can't motorboat a personality
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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