I must be too annoying 4 u.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
