JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
