Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
