sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
