It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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