How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
