i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize