no, he came in my armpit
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
