do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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