Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
