Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
They have beer where we have blood.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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