You're completely useless in the revolution.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
