I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
