so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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