I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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