Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize