My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
