don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
sarcasm needs its own font
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
