Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize