Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I have peed in a lot of sinks
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
