I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
