does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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