She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
