nut hugger
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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