Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
