So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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