What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
