this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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