Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
