dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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