guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We have so much sex to catch up on
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
