she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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