I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
