Is it normal to miss your booty call?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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