I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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