wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
