A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
