Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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