I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Randomize