I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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