Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
