Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
