I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
